The discovery of infidelity or adultery is a traumatic experience for the betrayed spouse; an experience that can take a long time to heal from. It is important to recognize that time alone does not heal this wound. The betrayed spouse must be able to understand and navigate the trauma symptoms that accompanies betrayal, and grieve the depths of their pain. The unfaithful spouse must be able to fully accept responsibility for the pain, and committed to helping their spouse heal. They must be willing to do "whatever it takes" to help their spouse heal and to heal the marriage.
Many spouses’ initial inclination is to blame the marriage for the affair. A vital aspect of the counseling process is to separate the marriage from the adultery, and to discover the "root" reason for the unfaithful spouse’s choice. While the counseling process can be very hard and raw, it can bring forth a level of healing and intimacy that the couple had never experienced or imagined they could.
“The healing journey for the individual(s) and the marriage, after adultery, is an intensive process. The process has been described as a roller coaster – but it levels off. The process has been described as never ending – but it is not. Putting God at the center of this process provides the hope and strength needed to continue on to that place of healing, recovery, forgiveness, and wholeness.”