Feeling alone in a crowd of people can be an isolating experience. One where you may sense a disconnect despite being surrounded by others. Even in the midst of conversations and laughter, it’s possible to feel invisible or alone; as though you’re merely an observer rather than a participant in the scene around you.
And if this wasn’t enough… If you are an introvert, the feeling can be more pronounced, as introverts long for deep connections versus superficial conversations.
If you find yourself in a place, as an adult, where you are longing for a friend, longing to be in a relationship, longing to be married, or longing for someone to connect with, and maybe this longing is so invasive that you find yourself in these patterns of behaviors such as people pleasing, “settling” in order to get or keep a relationship, isolating, having no sense of boundaries, or even thinking something is wrong with you. Then maybe this feeling of alone runs much deeper.
If you were to take a “deep dive” into your childhood, what would you find? Were your parents or caregivers present in your life physically, mentally, and emotionally? Did they take the time to connect with you on a level that was meaningful to you and not just to them, and was there a consistent pattern of this lack of connection over the span of your childhood? While there had previously been a back and forth concerning quality vs quantity time, both are equally important. This intimate connection to your parent or caregiver represents love and informs your brain that you are not alone. When this need is not met during these important developmental years, your brain gets the message that “I am alone”. This message becomes wired in your brain and in turn becomes a part of your identity.
Shaking This Pervasive Feeling of Being Alone
Once you become an adult and your brain is fully developed, this pervasive feeling of being alone is not one that another person can take away. Because it is wired in your brain, it will take an intentional effort by yourself, to bring about this change in you. This is accomplished when you begin reminding yourself of the truth, that you are not alone, and doing so over and over and over again. Look around you. With you are your family, your friends, your co-workers, your spouse, your acquaintances, and more. Furthermore, the Bible tells us that the Lord is with us always and that He will never leave us or forsake us (Matthew 28:20, Hebrews 13:5). As you begin speaking these words of truth to yourself and allowing your brain and body to experience this truth, you might just find yourself experiencing a level of freedom within yourself that you have not experienced before. (John 8:32)
If you find yourself struggling in this area and it is hard to shake off this pervasive feeling, maybe counseling can help. Feel free to reach out to me and shedule an appointment.