In life, we will all experience moments of deep hurt and offense. Sometimes the wounds come from strangers, but often they come from the people we love and trust the most. Whether intentional or unintentional, these painful experiences can leave lasting emotional scars if they are not properly addressed.
When hurt is left unresolved, it often grows into resentment and bitterness. Over time, bitterness becomes a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can affect our thoughts, our relationships, our peace, and even our physical health. The pain we hold onto may eventually spill out onto others—including people who had nothing to do with the original offense.
So what are we supposed to do with the pain?
As Christians, Scripture gives us a powerful answer: we forgive.
Biblical Examples of Forgiveness
Two of the greatest examples of forgiveness in the Bible are found in the lives of Jesus Christ and Stephen.
During His crucifixion, Jesus endured betrayal, mockery, beating, and unimaginable suffering. Yet even while hanging on the cross, Jesus responded with compassion instead of revenge. In Luke 23:34, He prayed:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
Likewise, in Acts 7:58–60, Stephen was dragged outside the city and stoned to death because of his faith. In the middle of this brutal attack, Stephen cried out:
“Lord, do not charge them with this sin.”
In both examples, there was every human reason to respond with anger, bitterness, and condemnation. Yet both Jesus and Stephen chose forgiveness instead.
They entrusted the offense to God.
Why Forgiveness Matters
Forgiveness is not about pretending the offense did not happen. It is not minimizing the pain or excusing harmful behavior. Forgiveness is about releasing the grip that resentment and bitterness have on your heart.
There is freedom in forgiveness.
When we hold onto unforgiveness, we remain emotionally attached to the wound. We replay the offense in our minds, rehearse painful conversations, and carry the emotional weight everywhere we go. Unforgiveness keeps us stuck in the pain.
As the saying goes:
“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
In reality, bitterness harms the person carrying it. Chronic anger and unresolved resentment can contribute to stress, anxiety, high blood pressure, emotional exhaustion, and other health concerns.
Forgiveness, however, releases us from that bondage. It allows us to lay down the emotional burden and stop allowing the offense to control our emotional and spiritual life.
Forgiveness Is a Lifestyle
In Matthew 18:21–22, Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone. Jesus answered:
“Seventy times seven.”
Jesus was not giving Peter a literal number to keep track of. He was teaching that forgiveness is meant to become a lifestyle.
Forgiveness is often not a one-time decision, but an ongoing process. Sometimes we must continue surrendering the hurt to God each time painful memories resurface.
Over time, a lifestyle of forgiveness creates emotional freedom, spiritual maturity, and greater peace.
What Forgiveness Is Not
It is important to understand that forgiveness does not mean:
- The offense was acceptable
- The wound is instantly healed
- Trust is automatically restored
- Reconciliation must occur
- You forget what happened
Forgiveness simply means you are no longer allowing hatred, revenge, bitterness, or resentment to take root in your heart.
You can forgive someone and still maintain healthy boundaries.
You can forgive someone and still acknowledge the pain they caused.
You can forgive and still need time to heal.
How to Begin Forgiving
Many people struggle with forgiveness because they believe they must confront the offender directly. While reconciliation can sometimes be healthy, it is not always possible—or safe.
Sometimes the offense was unintentional. Sometimes the person is no longer living. Sometimes contact would cause further harm.
Forgiveness can begin privately between you and God.
It can be as simple as praying:
“Lord, I forgive (person’s name) for (the offense), and I give my hurt and pain to You.”
Be honest with God about the depth of your pain. He already knows your heart.
Another powerful exercise is writing a forgiveness letter that you never send. In the letter, express the hurt, the impact it had on you, and end with the words:
“I forgive you.”
As memories arise in the future, continue choosing forgiveness. Remind yourself:
“I have forgiven them.”
This process can be incredibly freeing and empowering.
Forgiveness and Grief Can Coexist
Even after forgiving someone, you may still experience grief. Depending on the depth of the offense, there may be real loss attached to the wound—loss of trust, loss of innocence, loss of relationship, or loss of safety.
Healing takes time.
Forgiveness does not erase the emotional impact overnight, and it does not mean you are no longer hurt. It simply means you are choosing not to let bitterness define your life.
Both forgiveness and grief can exist together in the healing process.
Final Thoughts
The more we practice forgiveness, the less imprisoned we become by resentment and offense. Forgiveness softens the heart, creates emotional freedom, and allows us to move forward without carrying the crushing weight of bitterness.
Over time, you may even find yourself becoming less easily offended and more anchored in peace.
Forgiveness is not weakness.
It is an act of obedience which brings one freedom.